A broker has the flu. His wife takes his temperature.

“It’s 103,” she says.

“When it gets to 104,” he says, “short me.”


Kaplan works for a hedge fund and is never home. His wife storms into his office and doesn’t see his co-worker Rubin sitting in a chair behind the door.

“You’re having an affair,” his wife says.

“No, I’m not,” he says.

“Who is it? Is it your desk assistant, Marsha?” He shakes his head. “Is it the kids’ piano teacher, Gail?” He shakes his head. “Is it the Finkles’ nanny, Alicia?”

“I’m not having an affair, Charlotte,” Kaplan says.

“I’m onto you,” she says, and storms out.

“Wow,” his co-worker Rubin says.

“I know,” Kaplan says. “She gave me three good leads.”

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