Who knew Nick Kristof could be so funny? Normally the New York Times columnist is earnest in the extreme. But today he uncorks a hilarious (if possibly inadvertent) satire of “liberal fascist” thinking, headlined “Our Lefty Military.” His premise is our armed forces should be the model on which we base society—“it’s the purest application of socialism there is,” he approvingly quotes retired Gen. Wesley Clark.
You see, the military does a great job of integrating people of all races and backgrounds. It’s hierarchical yet “nurtures… camaraderie.” It offers “single-payer health care,” a “day care system for working parents,” and lots of opportunities for higher education. Why, Kristof wonders, don’t we emulate the military’s example across America?
Good idea. And while we’re at it, why don’t we mandate that all Americans have to accept orders from a government employee who will tell them when they can go to work, what jobs they will perform, when they can exercise, when they can go to sleep, where they can live, what they can wear, where they can travel, etc? And, just to make sure we get our money’s worth for all the goodies we plan to dole out to the population (free health care! free day care!), let’s also mandate that all citizens will have to undertake life-threatening tasks on a regular basis.
Of course I’m sure there won’t be any problem paying for an expansion of all those benefits to the rest of society. Sure, the military’s Tricare medical benefits for retirees are so costly as to be “unsustainable,” in the words of Defense Secretary Bob Gates. But no doubt Kristof can perform some budget legerdemain that can make a far larger version of single-payer cost-effective for the entire country. And while we’re at it, why don’t we offer everyone government-subsidized groceries just like at military PXs?
Some unkind critics might suggest Kristof is making the same kind of arguments Hitler and Mussolini once made. They too were inspired by the military model and wanted to apply it across society writ large. But that would be to miss the larger point: Kristof is only joking. Right?
