Is the following from a “straight” newspaper . . . or from the Onion?
Taleban insurgents fighting German forces in northern Afghanistan have often lived to fight another day thanks to trilingual warnings that have to be shouted out before the men from the Bundeswehr can squeeze their triggers.
The seven-page pocket guide to combat tucked into the breast pocket of every German soldier offers such instructions as: “Before opening fire you are expected to declare loudly, in English, ‘United Nations — stop, or I will fire,’ followed by a version in Pashtu — Melgaero Mellatuna — Dreesch, ka ne se dasee kawum!”
The alert must also be issued in Dari, and the booklet, devised by a committee in some faraway ministerial office, adds: “If the situation allows, the warning should be repeated.” The joke going round NATO mess tents poses the question: “How can you identify a German soldier? He is the corpse clutching a pocket guide.”
Unfortunately, it’s not a satire. This is from the Times of London. The good news is that these insanely restrictive rules of engagement are at long last being relaxed with this week’s release of new rules, “giving their forces more freedom to shoot back and shout warnings later.” According to the Times:
Up until last week it was, for example, forbidden to shoot a fleeing assailant, even though every civilian policeman in Germany has the right to shoot an armed fugitive in the arm or leg after barking a short warning.
The new guidelines say that soldiers can shoot to prevent an attack, allowing them to kill a rebel escaping from the battlefield. Much of the phrasing is nuanced but gives more room for soldiers to defend themselves. One section authorised defensive measures only if soldiers were under imminent threat; now they can open fire if “an assault is in preparation”. Changing a few words gives the Germans a few hundred more metres to react.
That’s an improvement, but the Germans still have a long, long way to go before becoming a halfway-effective counterinsurgency force in Afghanistan. They are still prohibited, after all, from going out in search of the enemy, and their operations are confined to the most peaceful parts of the country — although nowhere is 100 percent safe.
Who would have imagined a century ago that Jews would become known as much-feared (and much-reviled) warriors, while Germans would have a reputation as wimpy pacifists? That may be an improvement over the way Germans acted between 1866 and 1945 — the heyday of German empire — but Germany won’t truly return to “normal” until it can send its troops to fight alongside their allies in what is indubitably a good cause.
